Month: January 2016

Katy Perry Spoke to me About Self-Awareness

And in “spoke to me” I mean through her music.

Could you imagine……Katy Perry on speed dial. “Hey Katy, you don’t seem too busy right now, tell me, what are your thoughts on self-awareness?”

And she’d say, “Vicky, my main girl, are you not hearing my message in my song?”

And then I’d say “oh, you mean this one…..”

Self-aware3-Katy Perry“Thanks Katy. Talk to you later.” If I were texting I would just say “TTYL” but this is a conversation so let’s keep it real, yes?

Anyhooo, I LOVE this message. It so beautifully states that if we are not solid in knowing ourselves and what we stand for, we can so easily be carried along with a crowd, or one dominant person.

There are great leaders all around us, ones that are worthy of following. What we need to be clear on is when not to follow. By checking in with our own values.

It’s easy to know we shouldn’t join the hate campaign on another woman just because our friend / boss / colleague is upset with her. But the lines are often more blurred than that.

Let’s imagine, your office / group / organization is wanting everyone to join their fundraiser – run a half marathon to save the rainforest and the millions of animals being left with little chance of survival. A very worthy cause, no doubt.

Meanwhile, you rush past the homeless person sleeping on a subway grate for warmth EVERY morning because it hurts your heart to think of their suffering.

Do you “sit quietly, agree politely”? Or make a “choice” to suggest that you raise money for blankets and hot meals for people living without a home in the cold months. This may not be a cause close to your heart, but when you put your attention on what matters to you, you will stir up something you could sink your teeth into.

Katy has another genius line;

I went from zero, to my own hero.

And we don’t all need to be trailblazers and save the world. It’s often hard enough just saving the day for the people in our lives now.

The message I really wanted to get across was that self-awareness will save you time, energy and regrets. You’ll feel so much more fulfilled in 10 years time if you have been making choices based on what matters to you and you truly want to take a stand for.

I personally think this is a big, juicy, worthwhile topic and as always, feel free to get in touch with any questions or comments and also pop by the facebook group.

Until next time. Hugs.

Vicky x

Who Are You – Around Others?

Have you noticed you act differently around different people? There are people you feel relaxed around and the conversation is sweet and mellow and you just want to grab a warm drink and find somewhere soft and cozy to sit while talking to them. Then there are people that seem to bring out the worst in you. You brace when you see them and your behaviour becomes as unpredictable as the next sentence out of your mouth because you are in reaction mode.

So, you’ve done a bit of work and figured out a part of who you are when you are alone. Now it’s time to take a sneaky peak at who you are around other people, because when you show up differently in different situations, there is a disconnect.

It had been a long time coming for me. I didn’t give too much thought to who I was around other people. I’ve always been aware of my impact on others. I didn’t consider how I changed in different people’s company and their impact on me.

And I changed like a chameleon. It depended on my surroundings. Around some people I was a big personality – almost “larger than life”, and others I’d shrink in front of. I can’t tell you how many times I replayed conversation in the shower of things I coulda / shoulda / woulda said. I was extremely put together and eloquent in my shower replays. And sometimes it was embarrassing because I was aware my husband was getting to witness me showing up differently and that would go against my value of authenticity and cause me shame.

And then I became a life coach. And self-awareness became one of my foundation blocks that needed some big-time attention. Knowing my values and what I wanted to take a stand for in the world started to make things and people that didn’t fit suddenly stand out a little. And then a lot.

Here are a few of the obvious behaviours to watch out for:

Becoming defensive / angry

Becoming childlike

Becoming bitchy

Becoming competitive

Becoming superior to

The triggers that get these behaviours to come out could be wide and varied. What is worthwhile doing is identifying who you become around certain people and then choose who you would rather be.

So, what’s a girl to do with these people? First I’d like to offer the question to you – how would the wisest part of you, the part that knows you so well and knows what is best for you and knows how you want to show up in the world, handle these situations?

My personal remedies have been to firstly figure out my triggers. Fear or the absence of courage are usually the pesky creatures at the centre of a lot of my bad behaviour. Most commonly the lack of courage stems from the fear that “taking a stand”, for me or what I believe in, will be a fast track to getting judged or dumped as a friend or bad mouthed or mis-understood or thought of as a bad person or ALL of the above.

As I work through this (continually), I realize the people who matter roll with it and accept my change and those that don’t can choose for themselves. I wish them well as we ALL have work to do on ourselves.

And talking about getting to work on ourselves, I have made you a simple printable to be able to get your thoughts out of your head (I know I work better that way) and redesign how you show up in your life.

Click Here to Get Worksheet

Because when you know better, you do better. You could even jot or doodle your values around the printable page to make sure you are honouring the most important part of you as you redesign your relationships.

As always, get in touch if you have any questions or just to let me know how you are getting on. And feel free to join the facebook group and share in there or ask for support. Hope to hear from you soon.

Vic x

 

Who are you when you are alone?

Blog image-who are you when alone

In the theme of self-awareness being alone is an important step to having the space to be introspective and figure yourself out.

For me, the thought of being alone brings up mixed feelings. To get a whole day to myself feels so foreign to me now that I would have a hard time knowing what to do with myself.

My kids are older and they aren’t attached to my side but they’ll soon let their presence known when it’s time to eat, or get dropped off somewhere. And in the lulls, when there’s nothing to be done for the house or family, I have NO IDEA what I will do for me. It’s like all possibilities come to me at once and I’m paralyzed by choice. I wander, confused, around the house. I want to squeeze every drop of goodness out of this time……but doing what?!?

If I were being self-aware I’d tune in to the fact that 50% of my book purchases recently have been cook books. Do I want to cook something fancy? Or I could pay attention to my body. Am I craving movement or stillness? A walk or curl up with a book? Find something mentally stimulating or grab a colouring book? I have A LOT of choices.

And who are you?

When you take away the identities given to you – wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, insert job title, what do you identify with?

Are you playful? Goofy? Nerdy? Nature loving? City slicking? Stationary addicted? Animal enthusiast? Yogi? Soulful? Spiritual? Level headed? Logical? Emotional? Honest to a fault? Artistic? Creative? Mathematical? A Leader? An activist? A contributor? The list is endless (thankfully, because I personally LOVE how different you are – it makes you VERY interesting to be with and talk to).

And how often do we get to talk about who we really are? We get wrapped up in general conversation more often than deep talk.

What really makes you tick? What gives you energy? What gets you excited?

We recently did a plan for 2016. If you filled it out I want you to revisit that plan AFTER you consider who you are. Truly and deeply. You may find that your direction doesn’t fully align with what you are discovering about yourself.

Take time to check in with your values. Are they being honoured in your life?

If you value family, are you making time and prioritizing them?

If you value learning, how are you keeping your mind busy?

In studying to become a coach I was taken through a values exercise and re-affirmed that I value respect for self and for others and fairness. I didn’t realize how strongly I felt about it. Once I acknowledged it, I could no longer ignore it and changed the way I behave. Instead of being triggered and getting angry, I suddenly had understanding and could communicate what I needed instead.

I also discovered how important adventure was for me. It explains a sense of restlessness when I don’t have any new experiences for a while. Believe me, this is good information to know about myself.

Some values are obvious, like honesty (I hope) and security. And some are a little more hidden like Originality, Accountability, Reliability, Tolerance.

When you see your values are getting stepped on / not honoured / dis-respected, then you are in a position of power and can choose how to handle the situation, instead of being grumpy for seemingly no good reason.

If you consider walking in the trail to be natures medicine but are filling your time up in the city, you could go a long time, not understanding your lack lustre feelings for the weekend, and begin to resent your plans and appear unreasonable. A simple fix would be to schedule time to honour your value of nature.

So, I’ll ask you again, who are you when you are alone?

Try the values exercises, get access below (you will get this automatically if you have already joined the Year of Growth).
Values Exercises – Yes Please