new you

20 Weeks To Reach Your Goals of 2016

That’s loads of time, right?!?

Well, let’s first take a look at how the first 32 weeks of the year went. Have you been knocking off your goal milestones fairly consistently? I know I………..HAVE NOT.

And for all of you out there who are more like me than super star all round achievers then here’s my take on what we can be doing better.

First things first:

Be clear on WHAT you want and WHY you want it.

Also: Be clear on what YOU want and why YOU want it. Subtle but important difference.

We cannot miss this first step, figuratively or metaphorically, or else we will face plant.

And not as cutely as these boys!!

Secondly:

Write that gold down and look at it often – like reeaaalllly often.

This is where I take the first face plant. I believe that “in my head” is good enough. But nooooooo, because everyday life commands our attention and those wonderful goals with promises of a different future that were made just a few short days, weeks, months ago fade into obscurity.

I don’t remember half of my New Years Resolutions but I do remember my big goal of the year was to get huge exposure for my coaching business. And for this introverted busy mom of 3 getting that exposure needs a DAILY kick up the bum. I need an “in my face” reminder every day as to why this is important to me and to keep the visualization strong of my end result.

Which leads to the third stage, and my second face plant:

Plan it. Plan it. Plan it.

Plan the big milestones or projects.

Plan the tasks that need to be done within each milestone or project.

Plan for what obstacles you might encounter.

I have resisted planning in a HUGE way. This is because of the up front time and focus it requires. Focus I find reeeaaalllllyyy hard to give.

What I have found really helpful over the last couple of years is having accountability. I have found accountability partners and groups that have truly helped me take leaps forward.

Aaaaandd, I’m feeling pretty jazzed about powering through the end of 2016 and crushing some goals!!

Are you with me?

I’m organizing a free challenge for the month of September (now complete) so we can all get into action and get some wonderful accountability.

You can make change in your life before the end of 2016.

Believe in yourself. You are worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxx

Make This Small Change and Watch How Your Day Gets Better

Blog2-May 12 It’s a small change. Not necessarily an easy change. What I’m suggesting you do is change your mind.

Your thoughts are what get you in to (or out of) trouble.

I got “coached” this morning by my teenager because the theme of the week in our house has been, “pay attention to what you are thinking”. When I made a suggestion to her she responded with “I was just doing that” then came “seriously”. Apparently the “seriously” was to her sister and not to me – likely story – so I was being reminded of my own words after I pulled her up on her rudeness. I’m not loving the teenage ability to spin a story to be unprovable!!!

I’ve been hearing a lot of negativity coming out of my girls recently. The other day it felt really personal when my youngest complained that I spend longer saying goodnight to her sister than I do with her. Ouch!! I immediately started thinking “I’m a bad mom, I’m damaging my child, she’s going to need a life coach of her own in a few years to move forward from “mommy issues”, am I really being neglectful?” The thing is, she wasn’t wrong.

Thankfully, on this particular night I wasn’t counting down the moments until I could face plant my pillow so I was able to give her a chance to look at how she was thinking.

Firstly, a little back story. Me and my youngest daughter (the one feeling duped at bedtime) spend A LOT of time together. We have 3 girls and they are all competitive swimmers. The 2 eldest swim at the same time, same pool. The youngest different times, different pools. So, my husband and I divide and conquer. I get to pick my youngest up from school, we do homework together, she helps me cook, we chat during our car rides (she’s at the pool 5 times a week), and I watch a good portion of her swimming once I’ve done my own runs.

So, I brought her attention to the fact that if she is focusing her thoughts on herself getting “less than”, she will find the evidence of this. Of course she will find it, we have 2 other children that need our attention also. I told her what I wanted her to try was having the thought of “my mom and dad are always there when I need or want them.”

I don’t expect her thoughts and behaviour to change immediately. This particular 10 year old won’t remember the conversation, never mind the new thought process, so it will take some reminders and variations for her to benefit from this new thought process. But if she nails it she will be looking for evidence of love and abundance, instead of lacking and “poor me”.

Another example I found on this recently was a conversation I was having with a friend. We were talking about only children. I am an only child, so when she shared her experience of feeling judged when people would question her choice of having “just one”, for a split second I bought in. Absolutely people judge. They may be thinking you are selfish, or that you have a hard time getting pregnant or you are a practical person who doesn’t have the financial means to support more than one child. Whatever anyone else thinks is related to their own stories and none of your business.

And often people are just curious. Like me. If I see a set of twins I have a ton of questions. No, I have no interest how they were conceived, but if I did, that might be because I was having issues getting pregnant myself. You just never know, and shouldn’t guess, someone else’s intentions.

For mothers that get upset by the questions about their choices I’d ask, what is the thought that you are having that is causing the bad feeling? And I don’t mean the thought of “mind your own effing business”. I’m talking about getting to the heart of the (grey) matter, where you have made something up to mean you are “less than”, “wrong” or “missing something”.

One child / 10 children / IVF / adoption / sperm banks…..whatever your choices are, stand behind them and answer curiosity with kindness. Sure you could run across someone who intends on making you feel wrong. And the sooner you get comfortable with the idea that they are feeding their own needs and it has nothing to do with you, the better.

So that small change? Yes, it can have BIG impact. Just as soon as you check in with your thoughts and pick something more useful to think when you are feeling like things aren’t going your way.

Do the work. Make yourself your priority. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxx

Don’t Let $100 Upset Your Inner Critic

What if I said you could be getting an extra $100 per week?

Easy money……..yes please!!!!!

Nobody said easy, but it is possible to earn an extra $100 per week. There is something that you can do that other people can’t do or aren’t willing to do and would be happy to pay you for.

If you understand numbers there are a slew of solopreneurs that need what you know.

If you are crafty, there is a huge market of people wanting pretty things that don’t know how to make it for themselves.

In the last 24 hours alone I’ve heard of one woman earning money auditioning for voice overs from her home and another whose artwork was discovered on Fiverr and was commissioned for more expensive pieces ($20K’s worth – wow).

If you can sew, cook, walk dogs, have an eye for fashion, or a green thumb, then there are people that will pay you for what you can do for them.

Wait. I can’t hear you over the barrage of reasons that are going off in my head right now as to why I COULDN’T POSSIBLY do such a thing. Do you hear it too?

Some are aggressive ‘YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT”, some are dismissive “there’s people already doing this”, some are mocking, “as if I could really do that!”

Thoughts like that keep you right where you were to start. If it’s easy money I’M IN, otherwise I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.

That Inner Critic voice would get you on the other side too if you start dreaming of how you could spend that extra $100 per week.

If you even think about spending that extra money on anything other than bills, debt repayment or on the kids then that voice will get really hoity.

“But I really want to buy something for myself.” “Maybe the next $100.”

Thoughts create actions so make sure your Inner Critic doesn’t get to run around like a toddler with a knife. Kindly disarm the Critic and continue with what you were doing. Check out my other posts on this subject (including some suggestions on how to deal with your Critic) here, here, here and here.

You truly can have more of what you want in your life.

You just have to handle your Inner Critic and go for it. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xx

You 1 – Mean Girl 0

The mean girl we are talking about is the one in your own head. Also known as Inner Critic, Saboteur or Gremlin.

It actually feels a little unfair to refer to the voice in my head as a mean girl. I’ve experienced a real life mean girl and she humiliated me, laughed at me, ganged up on me and conspired to make me feel small.

I don’t relate that to the voice in my head. Sure she can be loud and unkind, however, I feel her motivation is in my best interest.

I lived blissfully unaware of my Inner Critic for most of my life. It wasn’t until I trained as a Life Coach that the bubble burst – which was ultimately a good thing. Before this I believed what I was telling myself and led a relatively safe life. I enjoyed variety in my life but I wasn’t pursuing my dreams and ambitions.

My Inner Critic had no problem with me training and getting certified as a Life Coach. I have a passion for psychology and feel extremely capable in this role. However, when I decided to make a business of Life Coaching my Inner Critic has been a constant companion ever since.

Even as I write this post I have a running commentary telling me that nobody will read this far, that I’m not getting my point across very well and that nobody is interested in what I have to say. True or not, the commentary is of no help to me.

So, I created a printable worksheet which is part of my free Spring Clean Your Life program that is running through April. You can learn more about it here.

Check out the worksheet to get more acquainted with your Inner Mean Girl so you can better handle her and go after what is important to you.

Tame that Inner Critic and you’ll be surprised by the results. The trick is that you first have to recognize her. She will seduce you with reasons you should stay where you are, or make you believe you are incapable but use the worksheet to get to the truth, because your Inner Mean Girl / Critic is a little (lot) loose with the truth.

I’d love to hear how you are getting on. Come and share in the Facebook group.

Hugs, Vicky xxx

Why You Aren’t Reaching Your Goals

I have an extremely persistent child. She wears me down with questioning and reasoning and she is relentless in going for what she wants. She exhausts me and she is very smart.

She is not unlike the voice in our heads. Our Inner Critic.

Our Inner Critic is also extremely smart and knows exactly how to keep us precisely where we are now – safe, comfortable, not stretching ourselves. Our Inner Critic is good at her role and she has many ways of convincing us that she is right. She has many different arguments for us to listen to. It is often easier to go along with her than to fight with her.

I’d like to do a quick experiment with you. Today, in our Spring Clean Your Life Challenge, I released a “Goals” worksheet. It’s easy, write down a big goal for yourself.

Think about your goal. Notice what starts to go on inside your head.

Did you get to write down the big goal or did your Inner Critic get to you before you even got to writing? “There’s no point in thinking big”, “as if you have time for this”, “keep it easy so you can move onto something else instead”.

If you managed to write the big goal, what is your mind saying now? “Sure, we’ll start that tomorrow”, “I’m never going to be able to…..”, “I just need to be …….. first, and then I can do it”.

Listen to what your Inner Critic is saying to you. Without judgement. Just notice.

There are many ways to tackle your Inner Critic. As a life coach I’ll share a few I use but first I can’t stress enough that you need to first be aware of your Inner Critic, and know it is not telling you the truth. I have never had a coaching client that didn’t have their Inner Critic come up repeatedly in a coaching session and the client was totally unaware of it.

Once you are aware of your Inner Critic you take back your power from it and, more importantly, get to the truth.

Here’s how:

Firstly, you can thank and soothe your Inner Critic. Tell it you appreciate it trying to keep you safe but that “you got this”.

Secondly, you can look for the 5% truth in what it is saying. Ditch the part that is fear based and listen for that 5% wisdom, for example if it’s telling you that you have no idea what is involved in getting the promotion so don’t even try, you can pull out the wisdom that you have learning to do AND go for that promotion.

Thirdly, you can repeat what your Inner Critic says and respond. For example: “I notice you (Inner Critic) are saying I should eat the cake, and that it won’t make a difference in the long run. I made a commitment to myself and my actions DO matter in getting the results I want. Thanks, but no thanks to the cake.”

There are many ways to deal with the Inner Critic but I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH, you must be aware of it first.

So, get to work on dealing with yours and step out from under its protective dome. You know there’s something you’ve been waiting to go after. Go for it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxx

Will You Answer the Door?

Take time to dream. Dream big. Dream often.

But don’t leave it at that. You must go beyond where most others turn back.

Once you have a dream, there will come a knock on the door.

Should you choose to answer this knock, it won’t be your dream sitting nicely packaged there on the step, no, it will be your “Dream Project Manager”, waiting and ready for action.

I think it is important to keep you dream consistently in sight. It’s like when you are thinking of buying a new car. All of a sudden you notice all the car commercials on TV, on bus shelters, in the newspaper, EVERYWHERE. Have they always been there? Yes, it just wasn’t relevant to you until now.

If you keep your dreams top of mind you’ll start to see opportunities to go after them. So, put them on a board or write them out and carry in your purse or simply commit to going through the vision daily in your mind. I believe the vision will help you stay on track and remind you why you need to stick with your “Dream Project Manager”, because what comes next may not be pretty.

Your Dream Project Manager is gonna make you work.

Dream Project Mgr small

Your Dream Project Manager will need you to get out of your comfort zone.

This is why we are not all “living the dream”. It takes effort to break the magnetic pull of our comfort zones. We get to the outer edge of that comfort zone and feel the resistance.

It is a conscious choice EVERY TIME we feel that resistance. Do we push through?

Or do we go back to our comfort zone?

I personally don’t know anyone who hasn’t gone back to their comfort zones. We’ve ALL done it. We’ve all given up on something.

And we’ve all experienced pushing through our resistance.

What feels second nature to you today was once a huge deal. When you booked your first vacation for yourself, when you got your first job, when you purchased a home or started a family, you likely had to learn a lot and move way out of your comfort zone.

Now it’s time to claim the dreams that are special to you.

And it’s time to do the work.

You’ve worked hard for everyone else. Now it’s time to put your attention on yourself and do this work for you.

Do this once and you will feel more confident dreaming bigger in the future.

You will no longer dread the knock at the door.

Aaaaannnndddd, I’ve made you the printable pictured above. Yaaaay.

Click Here to Get Printable

Put your thoughts on paper. Pretty it up with pictures, colours, whatever works for you. Make it relevant for you. Get prepared to do the work.

As always, I’d love to hear how you are getting on. Get in touch with me and come join in the facebook group.

Hugs, Vicky xx

Welcome to Hollywood. What’s your dream?

Now, you are all my peeps so I’m counting on you to know where that title quote came from.

Kicking off our month of dreams and desires starts with getting acquainted with our dreams and desires. How often do you have this juicy conversation. With yourself? With your partner? With family or friends? In fact you may be more likely to tell your hairdresser of your dreams because it feels safer.

So, what’s with that? Is it because your hairdresser won’t pass judgment on your dreams? Or check in on you every time they see you? Is it because you don’t feel you’ll have to follow through, as if the hairdresser really cares?

Hmmmmm. What is it with playing the dreams and desires card close to our chests?

Sometimes it’s because we’ve lost touch with our dreams.

In getting through our daily and weekly tasks we don’t put time aside for such a frivolous idea as daydreaming.

It has almost become a badge of motherly honour to give up your dreams when you start a family so you can help them pursue theirs.

And you were hypnotized by that way of thinking for a while, just like I was. But we’re emerging, before it’s too late. We aren’t waiting for retirement.

We are the role models who are 100% there for our families AND 100% there for ourselves too.

Soooooo……

WHAT’S YOUR DREAM?

If you are still struggling with that quote it’s from Pretty Woman. Such a classic. Must watch it with my 14 year old – although I will be seriously a little heart broken if she doesn’t love it like I do.

pretty woman
(Picture found on http://www.cnn.com/2015/03/21/entertainment/pretty-woman-movie-anniversary-feat/)

Anyways, back to our dreams.

I……you guessed it…….made a little printable, see below. On the printable I’ve broken life down into 9 sections. They may not apply to you perfectly so please, change as needed.

Be curious. Be inspired. Be courageous.

This is for you. Nobody is going to make you do anything you don’t want to do, so feel safe in truly exploring some new and maybe even wild idea’s.

Don’t scoff at your dreams. Don’t talk yourself out of them.

This week is SOLELY about exploring your dreams and desires. Feel them and enjoy.

Dream On!!!!

Click Here to Get Printable

Who are you when you are alone?

Blog image-who are you when alone

In the theme of self-awareness being alone is an important step to having the space to be introspective and figure yourself out.

For me, the thought of being alone brings up mixed feelings. To get a whole day to myself feels so foreign to me now that I would have a hard time knowing what to do with myself.

My kids are older and they aren’t attached to my side but they’ll soon let their presence known when it’s time to eat, or get dropped off somewhere. And in the lulls, when there’s nothing to be done for the house or family, I have NO IDEA what I will do for me. It’s like all possibilities come to me at once and I’m paralyzed by choice. I wander, confused, around the house. I want to squeeze every drop of goodness out of this time……but doing what?!?

If I were being self-aware I’d tune in to the fact that 50% of my book purchases recently have been cook books. Do I want to cook something fancy? Or I could pay attention to my body. Am I craving movement or stillness? A walk or curl up with a book? Find something mentally stimulating or grab a colouring book? I have A LOT of choices.

And who are you?

When you take away the identities given to you – wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, insert job title, what do you identify with?

Are you playful? Goofy? Nerdy? Nature loving? City slicking? Stationary addicted? Animal enthusiast? Yogi? Soulful? Spiritual? Level headed? Logical? Emotional? Honest to a fault? Artistic? Creative? Mathematical? A Leader? An activist? A contributor? The list is endless (thankfully, because I personally LOVE how different you are – it makes you VERY interesting to be with and talk to).

And how often do we get to talk about who we really are? We get wrapped up in general conversation more often than deep talk.

What really makes you tick? What gives you energy? What gets you excited?

We recently did a plan for 2016. If you filled it out I want you to revisit that plan AFTER you consider who you are. Truly and deeply. You may find that your direction doesn’t fully align with what you are discovering about yourself.

Take time to check in with your values. Are they being honoured in your life?

If you value family, are you making time and prioritizing them?

If you value learning, how are you keeping your mind busy?

In studying to become a coach I was taken through a values exercise and re-affirmed that I value respect for self and for others and fairness. I didn’t realize how strongly I felt about it. Once I acknowledged it, I could no longer ignore it and changed the way I behave. Instead of being triggered and getting angry, I suddenly had understanding and could communicate what I needed instead.

I also discovered how important adventure was for me. It explains a sense of restlessness when I don’t have any new experiences for a while. Believe me, this is good information to know about myself.

Some values are obvious, like honesty (I hope) and security. And some are a little more hidden like Originality, Accountability, Reliability, Tolerance.

When you see your values are getting stepped on / not honoured / dis-respected, then you are in a position of power and can choose how to handle the situation, instead of being grumpy for seemingly no good reason.

If you consider walking in the trail to be natures medicine but are filling your time up in the city, you could go a long time, not understanding your lack lustre feelings for the weekend, and begin to resent your plans and appear unreasonable. A simple fix would be to schedule time to honour your value of nature.

So, I’ll ask you again, who are you when you are alone?

Try the values exercises, get access below (you will get this automatically if you have already joined the Year of Growth).
Values Exercises – Yes Please

Review of 2015

This year the term Morning Pages kept coming up. I checked it out and thought it would be a fantastic process for me because I’m an over thinker and I have a ton of scattered thoughts, seemingly in every waking moment. So, the idea of writing for 3 full pages, with no other purpose than to get what is in your head out of your head so you can look back and pick out the gold, got my attention.

And then it lost my attention. Who has time in the morning to write for 3 full size pages? And I know I could make time. But I didn’t.

But I do see the value in picking out the gold.

So, I made a “Review of 2015”. And I filled it in. And I got so much out of it.

I didn’t write down resolutions or goals for 2015 (changing this for 2016) but I know what I was hoping and aiming for all year.

Here’s my Review of 2015. (to see a better copy click on the picture)

In the middle of the page I wrote out the most important areas of my life right now and started acknowledging my successes.

And I made space for where I fell short. It’s important to accept and to understand this part. And to take full ownership for it. You can only get the learning from it if you are truly honest and take responsibility. Once I’ve done this I can later decide if it’s still important enough to put back on the goals list for 2016 (watch out for the next post).

And I made it for you too. It’s simple and extremely effective. Download your free copy below.

In comparing this years review to last years, here are the comparables:

Everyone is still staying active. Mindset is huge in sports and remains the biggest roadblock to success in at least 3 out of 5 of us.

Our new experiences this year were trips and camps and mountains and volunteering. It feels like we were able to keep up a good variety.

Last year I had a minor infatuation with Paint Nite. This year my walls are getting a breather from the amateur art I was creating and instead we’ve been enjoying the new (in Canada anyway) trend of Escape Rooms. Being a detective in themed rooms, figuring out clues to advance to new rooms and hopefully escape before time’s up really was fun. It was nice to do something different. Until it wasn’t different anymore, so now we’re taking a break from it.

I turned 41.

I still never dropped that elusive last 10lbs. Even while training for a 50km trail race – so annoying to have a talent in weight retention.

Self care was still pretty rubbish but I’m making a push for success this month, I’ll be having my second facial in 2 months, which I was desperate for as my skin was in awful condition, and I’ll be heading to the hairdressers. The massage will have to wait until the new year.

Our social life isn’t awful. Still not as rocking as the kids’. Will put it on my goal for 2016 to do better spending time with people we want to spend time with.

I think my biggest learning of the year is to be aware. You cannot improve what you are not aware of. Sure, once you know there’s something that isn’t working it takes effort to put it right but once you get that ball rolling it gets easier. I’m enjoying the benefit of being aware and making changes.

Now it’s your turn. Put your attention on 2015 and get ready for a Super Sweet ’16.

Get your Review of 2015 HERE

Vicky x

How Well Will I Survive with No Kids “Needing” Me?

I recently sent out a survey to moms of teens. I want to get insight into what women are struggling with in anticipation of this next stage in life.

When our children were young we marked time as “before we had kids” and “since having kids”. Soon time will be marked “when the kids were at home” and “since the kids left home”.

In the meantime there is also the grey area of the kids are home, but they hardly know we exist except to feed them, do their laundry and be their safety net if they screw up.

Women have been sharing very honest thoughts in my survey about this time of life. It brings up a lot of thoughts and emotions. And I wanted to process my own thoughts so I thought I’d answer my own survey and share with you my journey.

Q. How do you feel about this next stage in life? (w/ kids that can fend for themselves)

A. Such a mixed bag of emotions. My husband and I have already started planning our life when the kids are all old enough to be at college or home alone (youngest babe gets done Grade 12 in 8 years!!!) and that is exciting. On the other hand I’m acutely aware of my teenager and her ever growing independence. Thankfully they don’t change from snuggling, mommy centred kids to full grown adults with lives of their own over night. Instead it is a continual emotional readjustment to years of small tweaks that move our teens a little further out into the real world and away from our protective arms. I’m sensitive to the fact that I need to keep my opinions to myself about a mean friend so as not to frighten her off. Sometimes it feels like I’m approaching a deer and the wrong move will send her fleeing.

In an ideal world we will still have lots to do with them when they are living away from home and this makes it doubly exciting.

Q: How much do you think about this next stage in life?

A: Often

Q: How often do you think about making changes in your life?

A: Often

Q: What changes do you consider?

A: Lots of them, hee hee. What we eat. Where we live. Career wise I am slowly making changes to incorporate more of what I love – coaching. Our social life needs to get on the calendar before we fill it with other stuff. Get comfortable with camping – roughing it style. I grew up in the UK, nothing to be frightened of there. Canada has bears – I barely sleep in a tent.

Q: What motivates you into action?

A: If I think about changing where we live and moving more into coaching it has to be vision / daydreaming that motivates me, which means the great life I envision pulls me towards it. Sometimes though, when I’ve procrastinated for too long I get so frustrated with myself that I get moving. With the camping situation it has to be love that is motivating me. I personally could live without it but it’s part of my husbands dream and he has agreed to live in the South of France with me for a couple of months when we have independent kids so I am easing myself into camping now – it could be a long road.

Q: What stops you from making changes for you?

A: How I might affect others. Yes, I said it. I coach around this because it is such a limiting belief but I do suffer it too. Sometimes I think “who am I to have the life I am dreaming about 10 years out from now” which is dangerous territory because I NEVER want to stop moving towards that.

Fear stops me too. In my tracks. That’s when I find distracting and numbing things to do. I’m getting better at recognising that about myself and training myself to stick with the uncomfortable feeling – work in progress.

Q: Where might you be lacking confidence?

A: Crikey, where am I NOT lacking confidence? I’m trying to keep away from age reducing my circle of confidence in respect to trying new things. I’m confident where I’m comfortable but that is not where I want to stay. I think lacking confidence is not a problem as long as you are willing to work through it still to get to where you want to be. Lack of confidence can be expected, just like fear. It’s what you do with those emotions that matters.

Q: What would you do with a “magic wand for a day” to improve your life?

A: Oooohhh, what to do, what to do?!?! I’m wary of quick fixes because I believe in the value of the learning, however, I’d take that magic wand to reset my body clock. I’d love to get away with 6 hours sleep a night and get up at 5am bright eyed and ready to rock it. As it is 7am still doesn’t feel good to me and that’s even after 8 hours. Which leads back to knowing I need to change my eating habits and up my water intake. I’d use that magic wand to condition myself to drink my 8 glasses of water a day.

There’s a lot to be learned with self reflection. I feel we don’t check in with ourselves enough. It’s far easier to pick up our mobile devices and check in with others instead.

If you are willing, share your responses to these questions with me here.

Dream up some idea’s of what you can do for yourself when the kids don’t need you so much anymore. You’re worth it.

Vicky x

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