life coaching

Grass is Greener Where it is Watered

You have probably heard the expression:

The Grass is Always Greener….On The Other Side of The Fence

I say that is GARBAGE.

I believe that the grass is greener where you water and care for it.

I find that if my focus is on what other people are doing or what they have, then I am wasting valuable energy in comparison mode. How often do you go down the comparison rabbit hole?

How to water your own grass.

Firstly be on the lookout. When you notice someone has it better than you do it means there’s something important here for you. Ask yourself the following questions:

What is it that I want?

What can I do to move closer to what I want?

Instead of enviously watching your neighbours load up their car with suitcases for yet another trip away, plan your own getaway – even if it’s as simple as camping an hours drive away. It isn’t the destination that is important, it’s what you make of it. There are plenty of unhappy people laid on beaches.

Instead of wishing your partner was as romantic as your co-worker’s, who just had a surprise bouquet of flowers delivered to her, initiate romance yourself. Wherever you are at in your relationship you can make it better. And that goes for ALL RELATIONSHIPS – not just romantic ones.

These examples are very simplistic but the message is important. When you start to think the grass is greener in someone else’s yard – turn your attention back to your own and offer it some love and attention and see what blooms.

Take action. Water your own garden.

You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxx

Planning vs Flying By The Seat of Your Pants

Are you a planner, or a “fly by the seat of your pants” kinda gal?

I used to be a “fly” girl but I’ve seen there is a better way.

I realized that having a plan isn’t taking away my freedom. It actually gives me more.

Having a plan doesn’t mean I’m scheduled from morning to night. It means that I have direction. Kind of like a flagpole in the ground somewhere in my future marking the spot that I’m choosing to move towards.

Knowing that the flagpole is there and where it is means I can now set weekly intentions that keep me moving towards that flagpole.

Easy peasy, right?!?

Bahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Life in general can be a little tricky, so trying to stay on a particular course is going to take some dedication.

Here’s the thing. 2018 will come. And it will go. 2020 also, will come and go. Time will keep passing no matter what. In 3, 5 or 10 years from now you could have lived in your comfort zone, still having to deal with the ups and downs of life as it comes at you. Or……

You live with intention, heading to a destination of your choosing.

Whoa. Imagine that! For real – imagine that…….getting to a place of your choosing – not just what happens to you.

So now the question is:

What do you want?

Grab the free worksheet that will help you figure out what you want and what direction to be heading in.

Also come and join the facebook group so we can all show each other some support and kindness as we embark on this courageous journey planning a really freaking awesome future.

Focus my friend, you’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxx

Cruisin’ ain’t cool

Now we’re not talking about driving a coastal highway in California in a convertible, because that is cool.

No, I’m saying that

Cruisin’ through life ain’t cool.

Warning: I’m about to do a bit of “disturbing of the poo”, so if you want to stay settled in a comfortable life you may not want to read ahead and ponder the upcoming onslaught of questions……

You’re still with me???? You’re awesome!!!! You are my kind of person. I like to check in with myself and what I’m doing and why I’m doing it on a regular basis.

In fairness I only started doing this a few years ago. The lead up to turning 40 unwittingly brought out some big questions for me.

What am I doing? Do I want to be living this exact life for the next 20 years?

Life was good. But I was suddenly aware that life could be so much better. And you can’t push that thought back in the box. Believe me, I tried, it just won’t go.

It has kind of become the devil on my shoulder, tempting me with future goodness.

Problem is, I have an angel on the other shoulder trying to keep me comfortable and safe.

Firstly I think we need to rename “the devil” because it’s not at all devilish. It is in fact an amazing vision of my future self. And “the angel” is actually my present self which comes with an overactive self protect mechanism and an unhealthy dose of self doubt.

When you let your future self out of the box there is no more comfort in “cruising” because they are with you, on your shoulder, nudging you awake.

If your future self is already awake then you are already feeling the weight on your shoulders that your future self is causing.

And if you haven’t experienced that yet, ponder some of these questions:

It’s 10 years from now – 2027, you are _____ years old. Your

family life

social life

work life

home life

spiritual life

health

wealth

are all the same as it is today. How do you feel about that?

What are you not doing that you wish you were doing?

Think of 5 people in your life. How do you want to be remembered by them? Would that be true if you left them today?

Why do you live where you do? That place? That neighbourhood? That city / country?

What interests you? (think of pictures that catch your eye, conversations that get your attention, magazines you like to look through). How much time do you give to actively participating in what interests you?

Even consider what you wear. Is it you? Are you expressing yourself? Or are you dressing to avoid attention?

There’s so much to consider. We could get into morning routines, career choices, relationships, but you get the point.

A tiny change that will bring you out of cruise control can have a huge impact on your life.

Now, I realize I haven’t told you what to do with that future self that keeps giving you head jabs of awareness but no help in the what to do department. And I will. But first things first, we want to make sure that everyone is well and truly awake first.

So spend the week being present with yourself. Aware of your routines and habits and actions. Aware of how you feel. And no numbing allowed!!!! Stick with uncomfortable feelings – DO NOT pick up a gadget / phone to take away those difficult moments.

Next week I’ll be back with a plan for you to try and if you are already a subscriber you will get a printable in your inbox. So sign up now so you don’t miss it.

So, now go do some of your own poo disturbing. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vic x

It’s September 2018 and you are……

It’s September 2018 and you are…..

If you answer “exactly where I am today”, then that’s fantastic and you don’t need to carry on reading.

If you know there’s something – or a whole heap of somethings – that you want to be different then what are you waiting for??

Let’s start with a home truth.

Nobody is going to do this for you.

It’s your life. You have got to decide – yes, make a decision woman (I say this to myself all the time) – what it is you want.

Saying to yourself “well, I don’t want blah” is not the way to do it. Nope.

Say what you want!! And then declare it in present tense.

For example:

“It’s September 2018 and I’m a toned 135lbs. I have tons of energy. I have great habits around drinking water, eating lots of greens, juicing and keeping up to date with health checks. I make the time to present myself well as it makes me feel great. When I feel this great and confident I feel in control of the rest of my day”.

Whoa, sounds great, doesn’t it?!

But it’s not just wishful thinking. Declare your statement for September 2018 and work backwards.

What do you have to do? When do you need to do it? Who do you want to be? How do you want to feel?

Break it down over the year so you can set monthly benchmarks for your success. Make yourself a habit tracker.

For example I may not want to jump from 2 cups of tea and a diet coke a day to 8 glasses of water but from now until December I can manage adding a full glass of water beside my bed and drink it as soon as I wake up = water and energy boost, bonus! And then I track it daily in my planner to keep on track. In January I add more.

As for getting to a toned 135lbs, I know I have options. I either pay for help in the way of a trainer, maybe a nutritionist, I already have the gym membership, or I get to work on researching exercises and recipes and commit to doing the work. More than likely it will be a combination of the two.

What I have learned is that intentions are great, but they are not as powerful when you keep them in your head.

Declare what you want. Write it down. Plan it.

Declare. Write. Plan…..Declare. Write. Plan.

Aaaaandddd. This is repeatable. Don’t restrict yourself to just changing one thing in your life. Consider all areas of your life – health, family, home, fun / social, spiritual, romance – and go for a WHOLE LIFE upgrade.

Declare. Write. Plan……You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xx

I’m A Little Scared

It scares me to think I could so easily live this same year 10 more times. Be in the same place in 10 years from now!

It won’t be exactly the same. Kids may have moved out. They may have moved back. We’ll probably have different cars.

But what if I’m the same?? What if I’m still so outwardly focused on my kids and hubby that I’m still keeping my deepest desires packed tightly away?

Because it’s so easy to keep away from focusing on ourselves. If there isn’t someone to feed or generally be there for then we have our handheld gadgets.

When our minds start to daydream, maybe about ourselves visiting a place in the world we want to know more about, or hanging a piece of art that we are so proud of doing ourselves, or finishing a course that will allow us to get a different job, these thoughts are wonderful.

It sucks though when we trail off from the daydream and talk reality with ourselves. The pain of not having those things or not knowing how to get those things are the thoughts we want to, and can easily eradicate.

Just pick up a smart phone.

Facebook, Instagram, You Tube, Online Games……..they’re all there ready to take away our pain.

When I don’t like where my mind is going it has become instinctual to reach for my phone and scroll Instagram. I feel like I was given an extreme version of the gift of keeping myself away from discomfort.

The feed of mind numbing pictures never runs out. What sweet relief.

It will keep my mind busy until I have a purpose again like cooking for the family or driving to pick someone up.

And here’s the problem. Whenever my mind is being numbed to avoid dealing with yucky thoughts, it can’t come up with those coaching questions that will get my booty into gear to get moving forwards.

What’s important to me?

What small thing can I do to move forward today?

It takes conscious effort to think this way and have results.

But this thinking doesn’t come naturally. It takes trained effort for it to become habitual. And you can do it!

Decide now on the habit you will form over the next few weeks to keep you off your electronics and in your life so you can figure out what you need to do next to get you closer to a dream of yours.

Keep if light, keep it simple, keep it achievable.

Naturally, I would recommend having a life coach help you quickly get your thoughts and feelings straight – call me :), but you can do it by yourself too.

Do the thought work. You’re worth it.

Hugs,

Vicky xxx

Going For It

I’m thinking to myself, if I don’t sign up and the spots fill up and I miss a spot I’m going to be so disappointed.

Anticipating the feeling of disappointing I get straight on that website, fill in all my info and credit card details and eagerly and happily hit the “pay now” button.

I’m signed up. I’m so excited. I call and tell my hubby. I’m giggly. I tell a few friends.

I put the phone down and I sit down, I notice I’ve been pacing. I’m starting to feel a bit sick. Oh my, should I put my head between my knees? Should I run for the washroom. I’m not feeling so good. What have I done?????

When I tell you what got me so riled up and excited enough to sign up and then anxious and frightened enough to feel ill you’ll probably think “what’s the big deal?” For me though it’s a bit out of my comfort zone and, more than that, if this doesn’t go well it could set back a big, HUGE, dream that has been simmering in me for years.

So, what did I do?

I signed up as a crafter at 2 shows!!!

I’m not a crafter!

The life coach in me is already trying to coach me around that last statement, but right now I need to profess my non-craftiness as a safety net. A soft landing space just in case I put my heart and soul into making products that i think people will love and then……nothing. People take a cursory glance, offer a kind smile, and keep on going. Oh the despair.

I’m not sure where this all started.

Was it in my mid thirties when I went from owning about 5 books to now owning well over 200? Why the sudden need to learn? The book store became my new fave place to spend a quiet hour.

Was it when I started looking into psychology, originally because I was interested in the thoughts and processes of people in general and especially so in my 3 girls? I ultimately studied and certified as a life coach. Which was life changing for me and people around me as a result of what I learned.

Was it the evidence that having a destination makes for purposeful and gainful action, which ultimately took me to the enormous planner community? Which has amazing stationery products!! And c’mon – stationery – it’s just awesome!!!

So a slight refinement of my dream to have a book store with a life coaching component, which now is expanding to include stationery, of which many of the products will be of my own creation, brings me to where I am now….

…with the stationery designer / producers version of writers block!!

I went from having fun with creativity to suddenly having no idea what to make. And I need to make A LOT (y’know, just in case people like what I’ve got to offer). I’ll get over it with a bit of self-coaching.

So, I’m officially putting a stake in the ground and proclaiming this the start of my journey in chasing my dream.

It could be long. It will likely get ugly.

But more than anything it’s important that I go for it. It certainly won’t happen any other way.

If you want to keep tabs on my journey and the self-coaching I do on myself to keep my head in the game then make sure to subscribe.

Also, think about what dream you’d like to be going after. Put it in the comments as your first step in going for it.

You’re so worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxxx

Honey, I’m Lost Without The Kids

It was clear what was expected of us as kids back in the 80’s….

“Stay in school. Say NO to drugs.”

It was clear what was expected of us after leaving school in the 90’s….

Meet a nice boy. Get married. Have babies. Oh, and work your tush off so you can get the house with the picket fence .We weren’t encouraged to focus on dreams and fulfillment – 2.4 children and picket fence – STAY FOCUSED!!!

The only remaining major landmark event between raising children and shuffling off the mortal coil –  retirement.

The ultimate prize of a life of hard work. To sit around doing……..who the hell knows???

But hang on a minute!!! Back to a more pressing point.

My kids are getting really freakin’ independent, nowwww.

Apart from feeding themselves and getting from one place to another – apparently I’m still in charge of those departments – they’re fine, thank you very much.

What? Huh? What do you mean?

Well……..ok. But, I’m here if you need meeeeeee.

Still here….. Now what? There’s about 20 years between now and retirement.

Well. It looks like we’re getting…..

A Second Kick At The Can

We’re still young and agile enough to really change the course of our lives. How awesome is that?!?! WE’RE READY FOR THIS.

The easy thing to do would be to stay lost in the absence of our kids needing us. To wait around hopefully for another chance to be the hero in their lives. WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS, AND BE MORE INSPIRING TO SAID KIDS.

We know this role of motherhood. It’s comfortable and rewarding. We’re so close to perfecting it after so many years. My schooling in motherhood has been longer and harder than any other schooling. WE CAN LEARN NEW THINGS.

I knew this role meant that the better I got at it the more I’d be demoted. I knew it would lead to part-time.

Doesn’t mean I have to like it……..yet.

My eldest has triggered the first demotion. My middle child has even cut me back a few hours. My youngest is enjoying the benefits of a mother with less hands-on mothering to do for her siblings, but she doesn’t really need too much of me. I just love that she WANTS me.

So, I’m planning now for my

Wait!!! Wait a minute….I interrupt this message for the fact that as I type this I am at my kids (5am!!!!) swim practice. Middle child just waved at me during a kick set!!!! She acknowledged me!!!! Oh the scraps I cling to. Don’t care……loved it!!!

As I was saying, I’m now planning for me.

I’m putting myself back on my priority list.

As I raise my head from the hard focus of mothering I am questioning a lot of things.

How am I spending most of my time? How would I prefer to spend my time?

What’s my purpose? What do I have to contribute?

Who do I want to be? What do I dream of doing?

Where do I want to live? Where do I want to travel to?

The questions are the easy part. Spending the time to answering them and taking the actions to fulfill them is where the work really is.

And that’s a whole other post. Stay tuned. Better yet, subscribe, if you aren’t already so you don’t miss life coaching moments that will help you put yourself back on your priority list.

You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxxx

Quickest Way to Change

Wayne Dyer quoteI almost feel like I’m cheating telling you this one – it’s so simple, and so true.

Our brains are so wonderfully efficient and fantastic that they allow us to go through daily life without interrupting us to figure out how to put breakfast together, or drive the car, or get to work. The vast majority of what we do on a daily basis is unconscious behaviour.

It’s so clever – until we have something that is no longer working for us.

It’s so, so, so common for us all – I’ve had lots of clients that have done this – to not look at what is bothering us on a deeper level. On some issue or another we’ve all woken up day after day thinking the same thing and waiting for something or someone to change our circumstance. And most often nothing does change.

The fastest thing you can change is how you think about something. Try it.

Rain makes me grumble. But, it makes my friend very happy. Same rain. Two very different outlooks.

As I’m kind and wouldn’t want to make my friend grumble, I shall take the task of changing my thinking. I can easily choose to feel differently about the rain. I can see it as life giving, rainbow making and wonderful in its own way. Now I come to think of it, I actually do like to sit outside, undercover of a gazebo, on a warm rainy day – but as I rarely get to experience this my mind doesn’t easily go there.

Instead of trying to ignore or avoid your nemesis, try changing your perspective.

Try this exercise of experimenting with different perspectives. For example, if I were to look at rain from the perspective of “an umbrella” then I’d LOVE the rain, I’d have been waiting excitedly for this moment. If I were to look at the rain from the perspective of chalk on sidewalk then I’d find it sad because it would wash the chalk away.

Here are some perspectives to try on with something you are having difficulty with:

Your grandma (what would she think). A dog and a cat (cos we know they must have different perspectives). A 3 year old. A bridesmaid. A pair of underwear. A walking cane.

The point of the exercise is to see that you can have many different perspectives on any one thing and you can choose how you want to see something going forward.

Let me know in the comments how you get on. In the meantime;

Think about a change in perspective. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xx

What You Think Matters

What do you think about swimming in a deep dark lake?

The water is cool and refreshing. It’s deep so the “seaweed” is a long way down, but it’s down there. The snapping turtles tend to stay by the docks but the 3′ long Muskie with their razor sharp teeth that slant to the backs of their mouths so they hook what they bite swim freely.

When I describe the lake like that I’m surprised any of us get into it, but we do. Hours of fun swimming and tubing off the back of the boat.

My 10 and almost 12 years old are competitive swimmers. It’s off season but on Monday they wanted to get a workout done. We were at the cottage so their only option was the lake.

Stay with me, there’s a thinking trick we will all benefit from.

So, off we peddled on the paddle boat to a “safe” spot about 100′ from shore where the weeds were too deep to be seen. After some nervous chatter and a count down they were in.

I’m so impressed, they’re off and I’m starting to feel a little panicked because I want to keep the paddle boat right up beside them because a) my babies are in the lake without their life jackets on, and did I mention the lake is deep and dark, and b) there are other boats on the lake and swimmers are practically invisible to them, but they’re really fast.

Lake Swim

So, I’m peddling like mad, sweat starting to form on my brow and run down my back, my legs are burning and I’m swaying my body back and forth just to try and get some power behind my failing legs, when all of a sudden they stop.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Hang on, what happened to the workout? These kids do anywhere from 2000m to 7000m daily and we’ve gone about 20 strokes.

I’m going somewhere with this, I promise.

Last year our one daughter won a race across this. same. lake. And we got to keep the trophy for a whole year as proof!! So, what’s holding her back now?

She said it was different, because there were lots of other people doing the race too.

Here’s where I get excited – there’s a teachable moment here.

So, let’s fast forward past all the stopping, starting, negotiating, complaining, panting, sweating, muttering, cursing……and the kids were doing some starting, stopping and negotiation of their own too.

On land I got out some paper and pens and got to work on having them question their thinking.

Firstly they acknowledged they didn’t meet their goal of getting a good swim workout done. I then broke it down into questions for them.

What actions did you take that got you this result?

What feelings caused these actions?

What thoughts caused these feelings?

So now they were examining what happened and what got them there. The result they got was starting and stopping and ultimately giving up on their workout. The feelings that caused their actions were fear – of what was in the water. The thoughts they were having was that something might touch them and then they’d panic.

The next set of questions were:

What is a more helpful thought you could have?

How will this help you achieve a better result next time?

When we get off autopilot, our brains reeeeeaaallllly like autopilot by the way, we can be aware of our thoughts and – here’s the great part – change them!!!

I use this technique so much now.

So, next time you aren’t getting the results you want, work it backwards:

What ACTIONS are you taking?
What FEELINGS are behind the actions (or lack of actions)?
What THOUGHTS are causing those feelings?

The deeper you can go and the more honest you can be with yourself the more gold you will find. And when you know better, you can do better.

Give it a try (or 10), you are worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xx

20 Weeks To Reach Your Goals of 2016

That’s loads of time, right?!?

Well, let’s first take a look at how the first 32 weeks of the year went. Have you been knocking off your goal milestones fairly consistently? I know I………..HAVE NOT.

And for all of you out there who are more like me than super star all round achievers then here’s my take on what we can be doing better.

First things first:

Be clear on WHAT you want and WHY you want it.

Also: Be clear on what YOU want and why YOU want it. Subtle but important difference.

We cannot miss this first step, figuratively or metaphorically, or else we will face plant.

And not as cutely as these boys!!

Secondly:

Write that gold down and look at it often – like reeaaalllly often.

This is where I take the first face plant. I believe that “in my head” is good enough. But nooooooo, because everyday life commands our attention and those wonderful goals with promises of a different future that were made just a few short days, weeks, months ago fade into obscurity.

I don’t remember half of my New Years Resolutions but I do remember my big goal of the year was to get huge exposure for my coaching business. And for this introverted busy mom of 3 getting that exposure needs a DAILY kick up the bum. I need an “in my face” reminder every day as to why this is important to me and to keep the visualization strong of my end result.

Which leads to the third stage, and my second face plant:

Plan it. Plan it. Plan it.

Plan the big milestones or projects.

Plan the tasks that need to be done within each milestone or project.

Plan for what obstacles you might encounter.

I have resisted planning in a HUGE way. This is because of the up front time and focus it requires. Focus I find reeeaaalllllyyy hard to give.

What I have found really helpful over the last couple of years is having accountability. I have found accountability partners and groups that have truly helped me take leaps forward.

Aaaaandd, I’m feeling pretty jazzed about powering through the end of 2016 and crushing some goals!!

Are you with me?

I’m organizing a free challenge for the month of September (now complete) so we can all get into action and get some wonderful accountability.

You can make change in your life before the end of 2016.

Believe in yourself. You are worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxx

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