vulnerability

Going For It

I’m thinking to myself, if I don’t sign up and the spots fill up and I miss a spot I’m going to be so disappointed.

Anticipating the feeling of disappointing I get straight on that website, fill in all my info and credit card details and eagerly and happily hit the “pay now” button.

I’m signed up. I’m so excited. I call and tell my hubby. I’m giggly. I tell a few friends.

I put the phone down and I sit down, I notice I’ve been pacing. I’m starting to feel a bit sick. Oh my, should I put my head between my knees? Should I run for the washroom. I’m not feeling so good. What have I done?????

When I tell you what got me so riled up and excited enough to sign up and then anxious and frightened enough to feel ill you’ll probably think “what’s the big deal?” For me though it’s a bit out of my comfort zone and, more than that, if this doesn’t go well it could set back a big, HUGE, dream that has been simmering in me for years.

So, what did I do?

I signed up as a crafter at 2 shows!!!

I’m not a crafter!

The life coach in me is already trying to coach me around that last statement, but right now I need to profess my non-craftiness as a safety net. A soft landing space just in case I put my heart and soul into making products that i think people will love and then……nothing. People take a cursory glance, offer a kind smile, and keep on going. Oh the despair.

I’m not sure where this all started.

Was it in my mid thirties when I went from owning about 5 books to now owning well over 200? Why the sudden need to learn? The book store became my new fave place to spend a quiet hour.

Was it when I started looking into psychology, originally because I was interested in the thoughts and processes of people in general and especially so in my 3 girls? I ultimately studied and certified as a life coach. Which was life changing for me and people around me as a result of what I learned.

Was it the evidence that having a destination makes for purposeful and gainful action, which ultimately took me to the enormous planner community? Which has amazing stationery products!! And c’mon – stationery – it’s just awesome!!!

So a slight refinement of my dream to have a book store with a life coaching component, which now is expanding to include stationery, of which many of the products will be of my own creation, brings me to where I am now….

…with the stationery designer / producers version of writers block!!

I went from having fun with creativity to suddenly having no idea what to make. And I need to make A LOT (y’know, just in case people like what I’ve got to offer). I’ll get over it with a bit of self-coaching.

So, I’m officially putting a stake in the ground and proclaiming this the start of my journey in chasing my dream.

It could be long. It will likely get ugly.

But more than anything it’s important that I go for it. It certainly won’t happen any other way.

If you want to keep tabs on my journey and the self-coaching I do on myself to keep my head in the game then make sure to subscribe.

Also, think about what dream you’d like to be going after. Put it in the comments as your first step in going for it.

You’re so worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxxx

Make This Small Change and Watch How Your Day Gets Better

Blog2-May 12It’s a small change. Not necessarily an easy change. What I’m suggesting you do is change your mind.

Your thoughts are what get you in to (or out of) trouble.

I got “coached” this morning by my teenager because the theme of the week in our house has been, “pay attention to what you are thinking”. When I made a suggestion to her she responded with “I was just doing that” then came “seriously”. Apparently the “seriously” was to her sister and not to me – likely story – so I was being reminded of my own words after I pulled her up on her rudeness. I’m not loving the teenage ability to spin a story to be unprovable!!!

I’ve been hearing a lot of negativity coming out of my girls recently. The other day it felt really personal when my youngest complained that I spend longer saying goodnight to her sister than I do with her. Ouch!! I immediately started thinking “I’m a bad mom, I’m damaging my child, she’s going to need a life coach of her own in a few years to move forward from “mommy issues”, am I really being neglectful?” The thing is, she wasn’t wrong.

Thankfully, on this particular night I wasn’t counting down the moments until I could face plant my pillow so I was able to give her a chance to look at how she was thinking.

Firstly, a little back story. Me and my youngest daughter (the one feeling duped at bedtime) spend A LOT of time together. We have 3 girls and they are all competitive swimmers. The 2 eldest swim at the same time, same pool. The youngest different times, different pools. So, my husband and I divide and conquer. I get to pick my youngest up from school, we do homework together, she helps me cook, we chat during our car rides (she’s at the pool 5 times a week), and I watch a good portion of her swimming once I’ve done my own runs.

So, I brought her attention to the fact that if she is focusing her thoughts on herself getting “less than”, she will find the evidence of this. Of course she will find it, we have 2 other children that need our attention also. I told her what I wanted her to try was having the thought of “my mom and dad are always there when I need or want them.”

I don’t expect her thoughts and behaviour to change immediately. This particular 10 year old won’t remember the conversation, never mind the new thought process, so it will take some reminders and variations for her to benefit from this new thought process. But if she nails it she will be looking for evidence of love and abundance, instead of lacking and “poor me”.

Another example I found on this recently was a conversation I was having with a friend. We were talking about only children. I am an only child, so when she shared her experience of feeling judged when people would question her choice of having “just one”, for a split second I bought in. Absolutely people judge. They may be thinking you are selfish, or that you have a hard time getting pregnant or you are a practical person who doesn’t have the financial means to support more than one child. Whatever anyone else thinks is related to their own stories and none of your business.

And often people are just curious. Like me. If I see a set of twins I have a ton of questions. No, I have no interest how they were conceived, but if I did, that might be because I was having issues getting pregnant myself. You just never know, and shouldn’t guess, someone else’s intentions.

For mothers that get upset by the questions about their choices I’d ask, what is the thought that you are having that is causing the bad feeling? And I don’t mean the thought of “mind your own effing business”. I’m talking about getting to the heart of the (grey) matter, where you have made something up to mean you are “less than”, “wrong” or “missing something”.

One child / 10 children / IVF / adoption / sperm banks…..whatever your choices are, stand behind them and answer curiosity with kindness. Sure you could run across someone who intends on making you feel wrong. And the sooner you get comfortable with the idea that they are feeding their own needs and it has nothing to do with you, the better.

So that small change? Yes, it can have BIG impact. Just as soon as you check in with your thoughts and pick something more useful to think when you are feeling like things aren’t going your way.

Do the work. Make yourself your priority. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxx

How could vulnerability be a good thing?

So, if we met in person and we got talking you’d find I’m an open, friendly person and I don’t particularly edit myself. I’ve lived well, made silly mistakes, done dumb stuff, done great stuff, but there’s nothing shady so I’m quite the open book.

Except, I’d feel really awful if I cried in front of you. I’m totally happy if you cry in front of me. I’d be a great comfort. I might even cry with you – and this in my mind is different.

I’m quite empathetic to other people’s emotions and quite fine with that. I get the happy side too, I’ll grin like a Cheshire cat when others are showing joy.

However, I did something out of my comfort zone, which I advocate to all – the comfort zone part…and the crying in the woods if you like, and have posted this video describing my minor breakdown (see link below).

And it is minor. I get that this is not a big issue, but posting it is giving me a stomach ache, so I’m going to say bye for now and watch if you want.

Much love,

Me  xx  (a.k.a Vicky)

Vulnerability-crying in the woods