Month: August 2016

Quickest Way to Change

Wayne Dyer quoteI almost feel like I’m cheating telling you this one – it’s so simple, and so true.

Our brains are so wonderfully efficient and fantastic that they allow us to go through daily life without interrupting us to figure out how to put breakfast together, or drive the car, or get to work. The vast majority of what we do on a daily basis is unconscious behaviour.

It’s so clever – until we have something that is no longer working for us.

It’s so, so, so common for us all – I’ve had lots of clients that have done this – to not look at what is bothering us on a deeper level. On some issue or another we’ve all woken up day after day thinking the same thing and waiting for something or someone to change our circumstance. And most often nothing does change.

The fastest thing you can change is how you think about something. Try it.

Rain makes me grumble. But, it makes my friend very happy. Same rain. Two very different outlooks.

As I’m kind and wouldn’t want to make my friend grumble, I shall take the task of changing my thinking. I can easily choose to feel differently about the rain. I can see it as life giving, rainbow making and wonderful in its own way. Now I come to think of it, I actually do like to sit outside, undercover of a gazebo, on a warm rainy day – but as I rarely get to experience this my mind doesn’t easily go there.

Instead of trying to ignore or avoid your nemesis, try changing your perspective.

Try this exercise of experimenting with different perspectives. For example, if I were to look at rain from the perspective of “an umbrella” then I’d LOVE the rain, I’d have been waiting excitedly for this moment. If I were to look at the rain from the perspective of chalk on sidewalk then I’d find it sad because it would wash the chalk away.

Here are some perspectives to try on with something you are having difficulty with:

Your grandma (what would she think). A dog and a cat (cos we know they must have different perspectives). A 3 year old. A bridesmaid. A pair of underwear. A walking cane.

The point of the exercise is to see that you can have many different perspectives on any one thing and you can choose how you want to see something going forward.

Let me know in the comments how you get on. In the meantime;

Think about a change in perspective. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xx

What You Think Matters

What do you think about swimming in a deep dark lake?

The water is cool and refreshing. It’s deep so the “seaweed” is a long way down, but it’s down there. The snapping turtles tend to stay by the docks but the 3′ long Muskie with their razor sharp teeth that slant to the backs of their mouths so they hook what they bite swim freely.

When I describe the lake like that I’m surprised any of us get into it, but we do. Hours of fun swimming and tubing off the back of the boat.

My 10 and almost 12 years old are competitive swimmers. It’s off season but on Monday they wanted to get a workout done. We were at the cottage so their only option was the lake.

Stay with me, there’s a thinking trick we will all benefit from.

So, off we peddled on the paddle boat to a “safe” spot about 100′ from shore where the weeds were too deep to be seen. After some nervous chatter and a count down they were in.

I’m so impressed, they’re off and I’m starting to feel a little panicked because I want to keep the paddle boat right up beside them because a) my babies are in the lake without their life jackets on, and did I mention the lake is deep and dark, and b) there are other boats on the lake and swimmers are practically invisible to them, but they’re really fast.

Lake Swim

So, I’m peddling like mad, sweat starting to form on my brow and run down my back, my legs are burning and I’m swaying my body back and forth just to try and get some power behind my failing legs, when all of a sudden they stop.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Hang on, what happened to the workout? These kids do anywhere from 2000m to 7000m daily and we’ve gone about 20 strokes.

I’m going somewhere with this, I promise.

Last year our one daughter won a race across this. same. lake. And we got to keep the trophy for a whole year as proof!! So, what’s holding her back now?

She said it was different, because there were lots of other people doing the race too.

Here’s where I get excited – there’s a teachable moment here.

So, let’s fast forward past all the stopping, starting, negotiating, complaining, panting, sweating, muttering, cursing……and the kids were doing some starting, stopping and negotiation of their own too.

On land I got out some paper and pens and got to work on having them question their thinking.

Firstly they acknowledged they didn’t meet their goal of getting a good swim workout done. I then broke it down into questions for them.

What actions did you take that got you this result?

What feelings caused these actions?

What thoughts caused these feelings?

So now they were examining what happened and what got them there. The result they got was starting and stopping and ultimately giving up on their workout. The feelings that caused their actions were fear – of what was in the water. The thoughts they were having was that something might touch them and then they’d panic.

The next set of questions were:

What is a more helpful thought you could have?

How will this help you achieve a better result next time?

When we get off autopilot, our brains reeeeeaaallllly like autopilot by the way, we can be aware of our thoughts and – here’s the great part – change them!!!

I use this technique so much now.

So, next time you aren’t getting the results you want, work it backwards:

What ACTIONS are you taking?
What FEELINGS are behind the actions (or lack of actions)?
What THOUGHTS are causing those feelings?

The deeper you can go and the more honest you can be with yourself the more gold you will find. And when you know better, you can do better.

Give it a try (or 10), you are worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xx

20 Weeks To Reach Your Goals of 2016

That’s loads of time, right?!?

Well, let’s first take a look at how the first 32 weeks of the year went. Have you been knocking off your goal milestones fairly consistently? I know I………..HAVE NOT.

And for all of you out there who are more like me than super star all round achievers then here’s my take on what we can be doing better.

First things first:

Be clear on WHAT you want and WHY you want it.

Also: Be clear on what YOU want and why YOU want it. Subtle but important difference.

We cannot miss this first step, figuratively or metaphorically, or else we will face plant.

And not as cutely as these boys!!

Secondly:

Write that gold down and look at it often – like reeaaalllly often.

This is where I take the first face plant. I believe that “in my head” is good enough. But nooooooo, because everyday life commands our attention and those wonderful goals with promises of a different future that were made just a few short days, weeks, months ago fade into obscurity.

I don’t remember half of my New Years Resolutions but I do remember my big goal of the year was to get huge exposure for my coaching business. And for this introverted busy mom of 3 getting that exposure needs a DAILY kick up the bum. I need an “in my face” reminder every day as to why this is important to me and to keep the visualization strong of my end result.

Which leads to the third stage, and my second face plant:

Plan it. Plan it. Plan it.

Plan the big milestones or projects.

Plan the tasks that need to be done within each milestone or project.

Plan for what obstacles you might encounter.

I have resisted planning in a HUGE way. This is because of the up front time and focus it requires. Focus I find reeeaaalllllyyy hard to give.

What I have found really helpful over the last couple of years is having accountability. I have found accountability partners and groups that have truly helped me take leaps forward.

Aaaaandd, I’m feeling pretty jazzed about powering through the end of 2016 and crushing some goals!!

Are you with me?

I’m organizing a free challenge for the month of September (now complete) so we can all get into action and get some wonderful accountability.

You can make change in your life before the end of 2016.

Believe in yourself. You are worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxx