Quick Review of 2014

I’m not a journal keeper, despite many new year, mid year and end of year resolutions, so it’s kind of hard to remember and reflect.

I have a general feeling that 2014 was a big growth year.

As a family we have done well to stay active. All 3 girls swim competitively, Adam is an ultra marathoner and I even managed to get my 2nd ever marathon done.

We’ve also enjoyed lots of family time, despite having a typical busy schedule. We’ve managed to eat most dinners together, spend time on the trails, chill at the cottage and generally hang out with each other.

We’ve also had lots of different experiences – learning to water ski, travelling and night hiking to name a few.

I’ve had a minor infatuation with Paint Nite and now have 4 of my own art pieces hanging around the house.

I turned 40.

What I never seemed to get a grasp on was juicing and generally getting more fruits and veg into the family.

I never lost those elusive 10 pounds, despite training for a marathon (there has to be some skill in that), which in a small part may have had something to do with me not mastering another resolutions of drinking lots of fluids throughout the day.

I never got a schedule in place to get more help around the house. The kids seem to rely on chaos theory to fly under the radar while me and hubby rush around and get it done FAST.

Self-care was pretty rubbish – I think I only got to the hairdresser twice, nail salon three times, facialist – never, my make-up removal routine before bed was barely existent and I probably (definitely) wore track pants WAY too often.

Our social life could have handled a few more nights out with friends, but the kids social lives were rocking.

But I did get my certification as a Life Coach and so I have spent a huge amount of time studying people – which I LOVE to do!!

The biggest message that presented itself to me this year, randomly, and in so many places, is that you NEVER know what somebody else is going through. It’s easy to have compassion for friends, or for those that you hear their whole story, but I experienced it in ways like;

We were at a restaurant being served by a bit of a cranky waitress. I was a bit put off by her. And then I heard her telling some regulars that she had just got back from 3 weeks with her mother because her mother had a heart attack. That changed my perception of her behaviour instantly.

I also learned a lot around reaping what you sow, personal responsibility and generally letting loose and having some fun.

And I have to get a bit craftier about getting all that great wisdom into my kids because they smell those life coaching moments a mile off.

Now I shall get working on this years resolutions, but that’s for a whole different post.

Sept 2014 269

Don’t be a victim in your own life

Lesson to my kids:

 

DON’T BE A VICTIM IN YOUR OWN LIFE.

 

My daughter does not read books. It drives me nuts. She struggles at school but it is not due to a lack of effort. IF SHE WOULD JUST READ, it would increase her comprehension so much. We all know this.

 

So, I kind of lost my plot on her when I found out that a book that she started at the end of June still isn`t finished!!!

 

Her response started with puppy dog eyes and a furrowed brow saying `but I don`t have time mom`.

 

A bit of a back story on her is that on top of school she has quite a bit of homework, and as I said, academia doesn`t come easy so it can be a longish process, plus she is a competitive swimmer so she is in the pool upto 9 times a week. She LOVES swimming and she puts in the effort to make this all work. So, when she pulled that line on me I agreed and sympathised with her for a second.

 

I TOTALLY BOUGHT INTO HER STORY.

 

But really, where could we possibly go from that belief?

 

After I left her a little while to cool off, because the discussion didn`t end with her little statement, I then challenged her and it resulted in a lot of head wagging and snarky looks (her, not me, promise), we automatically found the point where we should part company temporarily.

 

Anyways, once the tension was broken I pointed out to her that when she has a victim mentality of having `not enough` free time she runs the risk of making choices from a reactionary perspective and as far as I could see there would be the danger of making a bad choice.

 

However, if she changed her perspective to one that she has a full life doing the swimming she loves and getting well deserved results from school because of the effort she puts in, then she is in a far more powerful position to handle her time and outcomes.

 

I saw in her face what this change in perspective did for her. She seemed to become taller right in front of me. She instantly appreciated everything she has. Sure she is busy and she loves it. This perspective had her focus on what she has and not on what she doesn`t.

 

So, what are the chances that that lesson sank in and we won`t be here again?

How could vulnerability be a good thing?

So, if we met in person and we got talking you’d find I’m an open, friendly person and I don’t particularly edit myself. I’ve lived well, made silly mistakes, done dumb stuff, done great stuff, but there’s nothing shady so I’m quite the open book.

Except, I’d feel really awful if I cried in front of you. I’m totally happy if you cry in front of me. I’d be a great comfort. I might even cry with you – and this in my mind is different.

I’m quite empathetic to other people’s emotions and quite fine with that. I get the happy side too, I’ll grin like a Cheshire cat when others are showing joy.

However, I did something out of my comfort zone, which I advocate to all – the comfort zone part…and the crying in the woods if you like, and have posted this video describing my minor breakdown (see link below).

And it is minor. I get that this is not a big issue, but posting it is giving me a stomach ache, so I’m going to say bye for now and watch if you want.

Much love,

Me  xx  (a.k.a Vicky)

Vulnerability-crying in the woods

Start hugging and be huggable

Have you been to the International arrivals terminal at an airport recently? Quite often you’ll see the sign holders and the flower bringers.

What you are guaranteed to see are lots of hugs! BIG juicy ones.

Ones where you sway (or bob) quickly from side to side. Ones where someone is getting whisked off their feet. Ones where they close their eyes and just squeeze. There are no shortage of hugs at the airport.

So, are you getting hugged enough in your daily life?

Touch has been studied at length and we now know that parents are encouraged to touch their babies in NICU as often as possible. And isn’t it somewhat inherent to want to reach out and touch someone when you see pain or suffering?

Excitement too makes us want to reach out and grab someone to release and share that positive energy.

“So, how do I get me some more hugging?” you may be thinking.

Well just like most things, it must start with you. As long as you can read social cues, and it is appropriate, try being liberal giving out hugs. It may feel awkward at first but as you get to be known as a hugger more people will come at you with open arms.

Make sure you cuddle / snuggle / hug those closest to you.
It’s a major connector, and connecting with people should be a priority in my opinion.

When my daughter was in Kindergarten she came home singing a song that went something like;

“Love is a gift that if you give it away it will come right back to you!”

So start hugging!!

I’m guessing; you’re too soft

I’m not talking soft around the middle, although who doesn’t wish for some extra firmness around there?!? I’m talking about softening the negative stuff so you don’t have to do anything about it.

Some of my clients are extremely motivated to make big changes, and the more honest they are, the better their results. Easy – yes? Well actually no!

It is much easier to soften the edges of a hard truth.

The self care swing says “don’t be so hard on yourself”, “be kind”, “be gently”. All good advise, just not when you are trying to make a change.

Lets take that soft middle that we started out talking about. If you really want to lose 40lbs then softening the edges, by reasoning that you still have a month until summer, or that you aren’t as heavy as your sister, or that your yoga pants still fit so all can’t be that bad, lets you off the hook. It lessens your resolve to change.

So, what’s a girl with a tendency for softness to do?

What about this for a visual? A board of Snakes and Ladders.

The winning square on the board is the change you want to happen. The snakes are all the pitfalls on the way there that slide you in the opposite direction of where you want to be.

When you reach a square with the head of a snake you must:
1. Be aware. The snake is a snake and not a fun slide with a foam pit at the bottom – no more softening – it WILL take you in the wrong direction.
2. Remember. What makes climbing the ladders worthwhile? What is it you want and why is it important to you?
3. Check your thoughts. What thoughts do you need to be having to carry out the actions that will keep you climbing?

We all wish our progress looked like a steady straight line incline to our ultimate goal but real life looks a lot more like a game of Snakes and Ladders.

The beauty of real life is that you have a lot more control than the roll of a dice.

So, keep it real and honest. Plan for the climbs and welcome the challenges. It all starts with a change in mind.

Do the work. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky.

Take the Test: Are you a Goose or a Crab?

I often get sucked into the time warp that is Facebook. And right now there are a slew of people doing quizzes to discover what animal / colour / planet they are. Seemingly enjoying the feedback from these micro personality tests which may (or may not) hold valuable insight.

 

Anyways, no test here – sorry if I sucked you in on promise of getting more insight into yourself, but if you stay a while you might get some insight anyway, just YOU will have to do the internal search instead of a pre-typed paragraph with supposed sixth sense abilities.

 

I do enjoy when a speaker includes a story to illustrate a point. Recently I heard 2, each having an animal analogy to enhance their stories.

 

The first talk was a lady motivating kids to find the leader within. She had so much energy it was infectious. You could see the children captivated by her. I was too, but not so captivated that I didn’t miss this great fact about Geese (you never know what you’ll learn at a leadership talk).

 

Geese work as a team.

They fly in formation (for practical bird reasons) and at some point in the flight the leader passes off the leader role, this is practical because it’s the most exhausting place to fly – at the front, but also it allows less experienced Geese a learning opportunity to lead the flock. AND, if one of the Geese is injured and needs to land, they aren’t left to fend for themselves like an emotional Wild Cat documentary I watched, no, 2 experienced fliers will land with the injured bird and then the 3 will join up with another flock when all is good again.

 

Canadian Geese are quite a pain in the rear if you ask me. I have Goose poo all over my lawn when they come to visit. And they can be vicious. I’d rather face oncoming traffic to avoid running too close to a Goose. Anyway, my issues aside, I have a huge newfound respect for Geese. What civilized creatures they are.

 

Crabs on the other hand…. I listened to a second speech which enlightened me to the fact that if you put a single crab in a bucket they will likely escape but if you put several crabs in a bucket – not one will get out. Why? Because as soon as one starts to make headway another will pull it back down to suffer the same fate as the rest. Crazy!

 

So I’m guessing by this point you identify with the Goose. But be honest, don’t you get a little crabby?

 

And how often have you been on the receiving end of a crabby woman? (Guys can be crabby too, but I’m more concerned with women supporting women right now).

 

And what about when you experience a combination of the two? Let’s say you have a friend that is all Goosy while you are down on your luck or life is going along as normal, but turns Crabby when you get some good fortune. What do you do with that?

 

Well, the easy answer is “don’t take it personally”, she’s behaving badly because she feels badly about how it reflects on her life. I say that is the “easy” answer because “HOW CAN SHE BEHAVE LIKE A TOTAL CRAB, NOW, AFTER ALL THAT WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH???” is what you are fuming over right now.

 

Likewise, if you find yourself lacking Goosy goodness and on the wrong side of Crabby callousness, if you dare, analyze what about her news / situation is making you feel bad. Sounds like a change needs to happen.

 

Are you ready???

Fender Bender

So, it really wasn’t a big deal …….for me. But my 9 year old was in the car with me, and in that split second it changed a lot of stories she tells herself.

It was cold on Friday night, around -16C. Said daughter had just finished her swim training and we were on our way home . On the main road, some airhead 2 cars ahead came to a complete urgent stop because they wanted to move into a lane that was full of motionless cars leaving our lane with no choice but to make emergency stops. My brakes were jittery (I suspect due to the cold) but I was able to stop. However…… the person behind was not. Big bang, scream from the back seat and all the info exchanges that typically follow.

Nobody is injured, daughter has been passing the time on her DS, off we go home.

It’s a totally normal evening until I go to tuck my 9 year old into bed and find her sobbing and frantic to give me papers that needed shredding because they had the names of her family on them. A quick reasoning and promise to  shred them in the morning got her to sleep but she appeared in our room in the night.

Next morning I broached with her what I thought was going on.

“I guess you never thought we would get in a car accident?”

“No!!”, her eyes popping wider as I voice her concern.

“Does this make you feel that other bad stuff could happen too?”

“Yes”, said with an equal amount of fear and relief that this is understood.

While I can’t guarantee safety she seemed comforted by being able to open up the conversation. She doesn’t get to see much TV, and rarely the news but between that, lock down drills at school and overheard adult conversations she has enough to be scared about.

But she wasn’t scared, that is, until that small (in the scheme of things) incident burst her belief that all that bad stuff was just stories that would never affect her.

It made me question how you can really prepare a child around safety that doesn’t believe it can happen to them, without also giving them an irrational fear.

A great example being how many times I tell the kids to walk sensibly through car parks and watch for cars. And they are still silly with each other and don’t pay the slightest bit of attention to the other cars. It. Drives. Me. Crazy!!!!

As adults we don’t often question our own beliefs – they just are. As I watch my children grow I’m understanding more about how mine may have developed. But that’s a different story.

Happy New You

I don’t think you are appreciating how spectacular you are.

I’m just guessing here, but I’m thinking you have a lot going on. Like, all the time.

Are you even getting an uninterrupted sleep? And you can’t even blame it on the baby anymore.

It’s no wonder you are spacing out using TV, facebook, a glass of wine, whatever, to distract from the overwhelm.

However, if, like me, you’ve had an inkling that you are ready to start in a new direction, then there’s no better time to commit to doing this for yourself.

Make 2014 a year to put a bit of focus back on you. Get to know yourself a bit better. You’ll need to get quiet and listen to yourself, it’ll take some effort but will be SOOO worth it.

But, don’t listen to me. Try getting quiet, no numbing spacing out distractions, and listen in to yourself one time.

I’ll be right here when you are ready to discuss.

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