better you

Planning vs Flying By The Seat of Your Pants

Are you a planner, or a “fly by the seat of your pants” kinda gal?

I used to be a “fly” girl but I’ve seen there is a better way.

I realized that having a plan isn’t taking away my freedom. It actually gives me more.

Having a plan doesn’t mean I’m scheduled from morning to night. It means that I have direction. Kind of like a flagpole in the ground somewhere in my future marking the spot that I’m choosing to move towards.

Knowing that the flagpole is there and where it is means I can now set weekly intentions that keep me moving towards that flagpole.

Easy peasy, right?!?

Bahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Life in general can be a little tricky, so trying to stay on a particular course is going to take some dedication.

Here’s the thing. 2018 will come. And it will go. 2020 also, will come and go. Time will keep passing no matter what. In 3, 5 or 10 years from now you could have lived in your comfort zone, still having to deal with the ups and downs of life as it comes at you. Or……

You live with intention, heading to a destination of your choosing.

Whoa. Imagine that! For real – imagine that…….getting to a place of your choosing – not just what happens to you.

So now the question is:

What do you want?

Grab the free worksheet that will help you figure out what you want and what direction to be heading in.

Also come and join the facebook group so we can all show each other some support and kindness as we embark on this courageous journey planning a really freaking awesome future.

Focus my friend, you’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxx

Cruisin’ ain’t cool

Now we’re not talking about driving a coastal highway in California in a convertible, because that is cool.

No, I’m saying that

Cruisin’ through life ain’t cool.

Warning: I’m about to do a bit of “disturbing of the poo”, so if you want to stay settled in a comfortable life you may not want to read ahead and ponder the upcoming onslaught of questions……

You’re still with me???? You’re awesome!!!! You are my kind of person. I like to check in with myself and what I’m doing and why I’m doing it on a regular basis.

In fairness I only started doing this a few years ago. The lead up to turning 40 unwittingly brought out some big questions for me.

What am I doing? Do I want to be living this exact life for the next 20 years?

Life was good. But I was suddenly aware that life could be so much better. And you can’t push that thought back in the box. Believe me, I tried, it just won’t go.

It has kind of become the devil on my shoulder, tempting me with future goodness.

Problem is, I have an angel on the other shoulder trying to keep me comfortable and safe.

Firstly I think we need to rename “the devil” because it’s not at all devilish. It is in fact an amazing vision of my future self. And “the angel” is actually my present self which comes with an overactive self protect mechanism and an unhealthy dose of self doubt.

When you let your future self out of the box there is no more comfort in “cruising” because they are with you, on your shoulder, nudging you awake.

If your future self is already awake then you are already feeling the weight on your shoulders that your future self is causing.

And if you haven’t experienced that yet, ponder some of these questions:

It’s 10 years from now – 2027, you are _____ years old. Your

family life

social life

work life

home life

spiritual life

health

wealth

are all the same as it is today. How do you feel about that?

What are you not doing that you wish you were doing?

Think of 5 people in your life. How do you want to be remembered by them? Would that be true if you left them today?

Why do you live where you do? That place? That neighbourhood? That city / country?

What interests you? (think of pictures that catch your eye, conversations that get your attention, magazines you like to look through). How much time do you give to actively participating in what interests you?

Even consider what you wear. Is it you? Are you expressing yourself? Or are you dressing to avoid attention?

There’s so much to consider. We could get into morning routines, career choices, relationships, but you get the point.

A tiny change that will bring you out of cruise control can have a huge impact on your life.

Now, I realize I haven’t told you what to do with that future self that keeps giving you head jabs of awareness but no help in the what to do department. And I will. But first things first, we want to make sure that everyone is well and truly awake first.

So spend the week being present with yourself. Aware of your routines and habits and actions. Aware of how you feel. And no numbing allowed!!!! Stick with uncomfortable feelings – DO NOT pick up a gadget / phone to take away those difficult moments.

Next week I’ll be back with a plan for you to try and if you are already a subscriber you will get a printable in your inbox. So sign up now so you don’t miss it.

So, now go do some of your own poo disturbing. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vic x

I’m A Little Scared

It scares me to think I could so easily live this same year 10 more times. Be in the same place in 10 years from now!

It won’t be exactly the same. Kids may have moved out. They may have moved back. We’ll probably have different cars.

But what if I’m the same?? What if I’m still so outwardly focused on my kids and hubby that I’m still keeping my deepest desires packed tightly away?

Because it’s so easy to keep away from focusing on ourselves. If there isn’t someone to feed or generally be there for then we have our handheld gadgets.

When our minds start to daydream, maybe about ourselves visiting a place in the world we want to know more about, or hanging a piece of art that we are so proud of doing ourselves, or finishing a course that will allow us to get a different job, these thoughts are wonderful.

It sucks though when we trail off from the daydream and talk reality with ourselves. The pain of not having those things or not knowing how to get those things are the thoughts we want to, and can easily eradicate.

Just pick up a smart phone.

Facebook, Instagram, You Tube, Online Games……..they’re all there ready to take away our pain.

When I don’t like where my mind is going it has become instinctual to reach for my phone and scroll Instagram. I feel like I was given an extreme version of the gift of keeping myself away from discomfort.

The feed of mind numbing pictures never runs out. What sweet relief.

It will keep my mind busy until I have a purpose again like cooking for the family or driving to pick someone up.

And here’s the problem. Whenever my mind is being numbed to avoid dealing with yucky thoughts, it can’t come up with those coaching questions that will get my booty into gear to get moving forwards.

What’s important to me?

What small thing can I do to move forward today?

It takes conscious effort to think this way and have results.

But this thinking doesn’t come naturally. It takes trained effort for it to become habitual. And you can do it!

Decide now on the habit you will form over the next few weeks to keep you off your electronics and in your life so you can figure out what you need to do next to get you closer to a dream of yours.

Keep if light, keep it simple, keep it achievable.

Naturally, I would recommend having a life coach help you quickly get your thoughts and feelings straight – call me :), but you can do it by yourself too.

Do the thought work. You’re worth it.

Hugs,

Vicky xxx

Going For It

I’m thinking to myself, if I don’t sign up and the spots fill up and I miss a spot I’m going to be so disappointed.

Anticipating the feeling of disappointing I get straight on that website, fill in all my info and credit card details and eagerly and happily hit the “pay now” button.

I’m signed up. I’m so excited. I call and tell my hubby. I’m giggly. I tell a few friends.

I put the phone down and I sit down, I notice I’ve been pacing. I’m starting to feel a bit sick. Oh my, should I put my head between my knees? Should I run for the washroom. I’m not feeling so good. What have I done?????

When I tell you what got me so riled up and excited enough to sign up and then anxious and frightened enough to feel ill you’ll probably think “what’s the big deal?” For me though it’s a bit out of my comfort zone and, more than that, if this doesn’t go well it could set back a big, HUGE, dream that has been simmering in me for years.

So, what did I do?

I signed up as a crafter at 2 shows!!!

I’m not a crafter!

The life coach in me is already trying to coach me around that last statement, but right now I need to profess my non-craftiness as a safety net. A soft landing space just in case I put my heart and soul into making products that i think people will love and then……nothing. People take a cursory glance, offer a kind smile, and keep on going. Oh the despair.

I’m not sure where this all started.

Was it in my mid thirties when I went from owning about 5 books to now owning well over 200? Why the sudden need to learn? The book store became my new fave place to spend a quiet hour.

Was it when I started looking into psychology, originally because I was interested in the thoughts and processes of people in general and especially so in my 3 girls? I ultimately studied and certified as a life coach. Which was life changing for me and people around me as a result of what I learned.

Was it the evidence that having a destination makes for purposeful and gainful action, which ultimately took me to the enormous planner community? Which has amazing stationery products!! And c’mon – stationery – it’s just awesome!!!

So a slight refinement of my dream to have a book store with a life coaching component, which now is expanding to include stationery, of which many of the products will be of my own creation, brings me to where I am now….

…with the stationery designer / producers version of writers block!!

I went from having fun with creativity to suddenly having no idea what to make. And I need to make A LOT (y’know, just in case people like what I’ve got to offer). I’ll get over it with a bit of self-coaching.

So, I’m officially putting a stake in the ground and proclaiming this the start of my journey in chasing my dream.

It could be long. It will likely get ugly.

But more than anything it’s important that I go for it. It certainly won’t happen any other way.

If you want to keep tabs on my journey and the self-coaching I do on myself to keep my head in the game then make sure to subscribe.

Also, think about what dream you’d like to be going after. Put it in the comments as your first step in going for it.

You’re so worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxxx

Honey, I’m Lost Without The Kids

It was clear what was expected of us as kids back in the 80’s….

“Stay in school. Say NO to drugs.”

It was clear what was expected of us after leaving school in the 90’s….

Meet a nice boy. Get married. Have babies. Oh, and work your tush off so you can get the house with the picket fence .We weren’t encouraged to focus on dreams and fulfillment – 2.4 children and picket fence – STAY FOCUSED!!!

The only remaining major landmark event between raising children and shuffling off the mortal coil – retirement.

The ultimate prize of a life of hard work. To sit around doing……..who the hell knows???

But hang on a minute!!! Back to a more pressing point.

My kids are getting really freakin’ independent, nowwww.

Apart from feeding themselves and getting from one place to another – apparently I’m still in charge of those departments – they’re fine, thank you very much.

What? Huh? What do you mean?

Well……..ok. But, I’m here if you need meeeeeee.

Still here….. Now what? There’s about 20 years between now and retirement.

Well. It looks like we’re getting…..

A Second Kick At The Can

We’re still young and agile enough to really change the course of our lives. How awesome is that?!?! WE’RE READY FOR THIS.

The easy thing to do would be to stay lost in the absence of our kids needing us. To wait around hopefully for another chance to be the hero in their lives. WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS, AND BE MORE INSPIRING TO SAID KIDS.

We know this role of motherhood. It’s comfortable and rewarding. We’re so close to perfecting it after so many years. My schooling in motherhood has been longer and harder than any other schooling. WE CAN LEARN NEW THINGS.

I knew this role meant that the better I got at it the more I’d be demoted. I knew it would lead to part-time.

Doesn’t mean I have to like it……..yet.

My eldest has triggered the first demotion. My middle child has even cut me back a few hours. My youngest is enjoying the benefits of a mother with less hands-on mothering to do for her siblings, but she doesn’t really need too much of me. I just love that she WANTS me.

So, I’m planning now for my

Wait!!! Wait a minute….I interrupt this message for the fact that as I type this I am at my kids (5am!!!!) swim practice. Middle child just waved at me during a kick set!!!! She acknowledged me!!!! Oh the scraps I cling to. Don’t care……loved it!!!

As I was saying, I’m now planning for me.

I’m putting myself back on my priority list.

As I raise my head from the hard focus of mothering I am questioning a lot of things.

How am I spending most of my time? How would I prefer to spend my time?

What’s my purpose? What do I have to contribute?

Who do I want to be? What do I dream of doing?

Where do I want to live? Where do I want to travel to?

The questions are the easy part. Spending the time to answering them and taking the actions to fulfill them is where the work really is.

And that’s a whole other post. Stay tuned. Better yet, subscribe, if you aren’t already so you don’t miss life coaching moments that will help you put yourself back on your priority list.

You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxxx

20 Weeks To Reach Your Goals of 2016

That’s loads of time, right?!?

Well, let’s first take a look at how the first 32 weeks of the year went. Have you been knocking off your goal milestones fairly consistently? I know I………..HAVE NOT.

And for all of you out there who are more like me than super star all round achievers then here’s my take on what we can be doing better.

First things first:

Be clear on WHAT you want and WHY you want it.

Also: Be clear on what YOU want and why YOU want it. Subtle but important difference.

We cannot miss this first step, figuratively or metaphorically, or else we will face plant.

And not as cutely as these boys!!

Secondly:

Write that gold down and look at it often – like reeaaalllly often.

This is where I take the first face plant. I believe that “in my head” is good enough. But nooooooo, because everyday life commands our attention and those wonderful goals with promises of a different future that were made just a few short days, weeks, months ago fade into obscurity.

I don’t remember half of my New Years Resolutions but I do remember my big goal of the year was to get huge exposure for my coaching business. And for this introverted busy mom of 3 getting that exposure needs a DAILY kick up the bum. I need an “in my face” reminder every day as to why this is important to me and to keep the visualization strong of my end result.

Which leads to the third stage, and my second face plant:

Plan it. Plan it. Plan it.

Plan the big milestones or projects.

Plan the tasks that need to be done within each milestone or project.

Plan for what obstacles you might encounter.

I have resisted planning in a HUGE way. This is because of the up front time and focus it requires. Focus I find reeeaaalllllyyy hard to give.

What I have found really helpful over the last couple of years is having accountability. I have found accountability partners and groups that have truly helped me take leaps forward.

Aaaaandd, I’m feeling pretty jazzed about powering through the end of 2016 and crushing some goals!!

Are you with me?

I’m organizing a free challenge for the month of September (now complete) so we can all get into action and get some wonderful accountability.

You can make change in your life before the end of 2016.

Believe in yourself. You are worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxx

Danger, Extreme Heat and 135 Miles – Oh my!!

Woah! About 3 minutes ago (it feels like) I was writing to you about planning and having a great summer. It’s now the end of July!!!

July flew by for me and with great reason. It was pretty epic.

We were in one of the most spectacularly stunning places. In heat I’ve never experienced before. To support my hubby who was running the Badwater 135 which is a 135 mile run starting at Badwater basin and goes across Death Valley, over 3 mountains, with temps of around 122F / 50F with winds that were even hotter. A freakishly hard race.

My job in all of this was to be one of his 4 support crew. As support crew we stopped every 2 miles during the race to change my hubby’s fluids – making sure he kept drinking – and keeping them iced up (after 2 short miles a bottle filled with ice came back really warm), also changing his head gear and neck scarf to new freshly cooled ones.

A huge part of our job was keeping him cool. Another huge part was keeping him hydrated, sunscreened and feeling well. We also tended to his blisters, aching muscles and ran or walked with him to keep him on pace, which ended up being for almost 90 miles as he had a very unexpected failing of his quads and the last 90 miles were anywhere from very painful to excruciating for him.

We’d prepare food and encourage him to eat – you’d think he’d be ravenous and craving calories but when you are exerting yourself that much you don’t have much of an appetite – keeping his calories up was an important job.

We had to keep everything on ice. Chap sticks would melt in record time.

There were no small jobs, especially as we were also having to keep ourselves healthy, hydrated, sunscreened, cool and nourished – a flailing crew member would have meant more work for the rest of the crew.

So, to say I had some anxiety about this race beforehand was an understatement. Had i spent enough time in the sauna heat training? Had I ran / walked enough hills? Was I in good enough shape to do my share of the pacing? Could I drink enough fluids to stay hydrated in the desert (apparently 4 litres if you were just sitting around!)? I had read all the warnings in the park? I had read about heat stroke and hyponatremia (drinking TOO MUCH water). I had enough information and not enough experience to feel like this race was a huge and daunting responsibility and risk to my husband and crew if I did anything wrong.

So, why so epic?

Take a look at what I experienced:

Badwater1

Badwater2

The views were stunning! And the sunset! And the moon rising! And the stars!

But more than that, 97 incredible athletes and their crews, from all around the world, came together and became part of something REALLY BIG. A great adventure. And it was fantastic.

Even my hubby who was in immense pain never wanted this race to end. We all got to experience this amazing National Park in slow motion.

When do we get to experience anything in slow, purposeful motion anymore?!

Here we are at the finish line. An athlete that had to dig deeper than he has ever had to before, and put his body, and even more so his mind, to the test in order to finish this gruelling race. And a crew that believed in him 100% and worked for 35 hours straight (not including the day of prep) to help get him to that finish line.

Badwater3

This was our view at the finish line at Mt. Whitney Portal as we ate burgers, sipped soda’s and beers and dozed in the mid-day sun which was much kinder on us at 8000ft than at sea level.

Badwater4

And here’s me and hubby after the race where we are stood quite awkwardly because I am trying to stay as far away from his poor aching, bllstered feet as possible.

So, August, you’ve got something special to live up to!!

Let’s get our thinking caps on.

And what about you? Where is your next adventure?

Put your mind to it and make yourself a plan. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xxxx

Don’t Let $100 Upset Your Inner Critic

What if I said you could be getting an extra $100 per week?

Easy money……..yes please!!!!!

Nobody said easy, but it is possible to earn an extra $100 per week. There is something that you can do that other people can’t do or aren’t willing to do and would be happy to pay you for.

If you understand numbers there are a slew of solopreneurs that need what you know.

If you are crafty, there is a huge market of people wanting pretty things that don’t know how to make it for themselves.

In the last 24 hours alone I’ve heard of one woman earning money auditioning for voice overs from her home and another whose artwork was discovered on Fiverr and was commissioned for more expensive pieces ($20K’s worth – wow).

If you can sew, cook, walk dogs, have an eye for fashion, or a green thumb, then there are people that will pay you for what you can do for them.

Wait. I can’t hear you over the barrage of reasons that are going off in my head right now as to why I COULDN’T POSSIBLY do such a thing. Do you hear it too?

Some are aggressive ‘YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT”, some are dismissive “there’s people already doing this”, some are mocking, “as if I could really do that!”

Thoughts like that keep you right where you were to start. If it’s easy money I’M IN, otherwise I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.

That Inner Critic voice would get you on the other side too if you start dreaming of how you could spend that extra $100 per week.

If you even think about spending that extra money on anything other than bills, debt repayment or on the kids then that voice will get really hoity.

“But I really want to buy something for myself.” “Maybe the next $100.”

Thoughts create actions so make sure your Inner Critic doesn’t get to run around like a toddler with a knife. Kindly disarm the Critic and continue with what you were doing. Check out my other posts on this subject (including some suggestions on how to deal with your Critic) here, here, here and here.

You truly can have more of what you want in your life.

You just have to handle your Inner Critic and go for it. You’re worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xx

What Do I Do When It Feels Like My Inner Critic Is Telling The Truth?

Sneaky little devil. That Inner Critic can be so smooth in its approach. When it tells you that you don’t have the time / money / qualifications it is just soooo easy to agree with it and go back to what you were doing.

I recently got an injury that took me out of a running race so I hesitantly decided to train for a triathlon this summer instead. I would love to say I’m a born athlete but if I’m honest this whole endeavor is vanity based. If I don’t have a race to train for I will absolutely, without a doubt, do NOTHING. And with the way I hock back food, doing nothing is a bad plan.

So, to get back into triathlon training, I have the run covered but I need to get back into the water and on a bike. I have had to battle my inner critic on these.

A few years ago my neighbours daughter had to teach me how to do front crawl, so you can imagine what thoughts come up when I think about getting in the water.

I also feel like a weak rider who would never ever consider taking a hand off my handle bars to take a drink, I grip those handle bars like my life depends on it. So, again, the inner critic asks me “what am I thinking going out on the roads with a bike?”

So, here’s what my inner critic has tried to throw at me so far:

You don’t have time to train in 3 sports. You look awful in a swimsuit. You’ll have to wear nose plugs and look silly. You should only go on your bike at 6am when no cars are around. You’ll probably fall off your bike at least once. You could get hit by a car. Is this really worth it? You’ll be last in the swim, it may not be worth it.

There are some legitimate concerns there. Hard to argue with time crunching and getting crunched by a car. So, how do I differentiate between inner critic and being realistic?

The easiest answer is, my inner critic makes nervous statements with no room for inquiry. My inner critic is not open for a discussion on the matter. It’s purpose is to get me back in my safe space asap.

If I were being realistic I would take the time to ask questions, look for solutions, and then decide, as neutrally as possible, what the outcome should be.

There is very little in life we can truly control. It’s true I could get hit by a car (especially as to how close they drive by me) and I have chosen a low traffic time to train. Although I cannot control the outcome of my biking on the road, I can choose to take realistic precautions and not let this limit what I want to do.

So, the next time you are tempted to believe you inner critic when it reasons with you as to why you can’t go after what you want, make sure to bring out curious questions that will look for solutions. Give yourself the gift of having a lot more information at hand before you believe what your inner critic is telling you. You are worth it.

Hugs, Vicky xx

You 1 – Mean Girl 0

The mean girl we are talking about is the one in your own head. Also known as Inner Critic, Saboteur or Gremlin.

It actually feels a little unfair to refer to the voice in my head as a mean girl. I’ve experienced a real life mean girl and she humiliated me, laughed at me, ganged up on me and conspired to make me feel small.

I don’t relate that to the voice in my head. Sure she can be loud and unkind, however, I feel her motivation is in my best interest.

I lived blissfully unaware of my Inner Critic for most of my life. It wasn’t until I trained as a Life Coach that the bubble burst – which was ultimately a good thing. Before this I believed what I was telling myself and led a relatively safe life. I enjoyed variety in my life but I wasn’t pursuing my dreams and ambitions.

My Inner Critic had no problem with me training and getting certified as a Life Coach. I have a passion for psychology and feel extremely capable in this role. However, when I decided to make a business of Life Coaching my Inner Critic has been a constant companion ever since.

Even as I write this post I have a running commentary telling me that nobody will read this far, that I’m not getting my point across very well and that nobody is interested in what I have to say. True or not, the commentary is of no help to me.

So, I created a printable worksheet which is part of my free Spring Clean Your Life program that is running through April. You can learn more about it here.

Check out the worksheet to get more acquainted with your Inner Mean Girl so you can better handle her and go after what is important to you.

Tame that Inner Critic and you’ll be surprised by the results. The trick is that you first have to recognize her. She will seduce you with reasons you should stay where you are, or make you believe you are incapable but use the worksheet to get to the truth, because your Inner Mean Girl / Critic is a little (lot) loose with the truth.

I’d love to hear how you are getting on. Come and share in the Facebook group.

Hugs, Vicky xxx

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